Do vagina's smell?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
