Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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