Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
