walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
