I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
They are going to name an STD after you.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
