...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
