I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
