Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
