do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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