so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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