he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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