there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
