if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
