Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
