At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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