would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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