Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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