He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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