I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
