Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
