At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Can I color on your dick again?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
