Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
