We're like a lot better than the average bears
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
