just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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