I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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