just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
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