The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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