Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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