I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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