The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
