I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Ladies don't puke and tell
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
