Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I touched a dick in church today
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
