mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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