She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
