So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
