you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
