do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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