totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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