I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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