Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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