You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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