3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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