So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
