you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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