Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
