I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
