and you said cock pushups were impossible
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
