I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
