Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
