I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
