I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
