i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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