That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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