return my video game
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
