obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
