At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
