who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
