if only i could text you this smell
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I wish there were birth control emojis
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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