Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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