Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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