So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
