I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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