I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
