Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
