I wannas sexs uuuuu
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
