Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
