And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
