pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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