Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
