i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
How does one acquire holy water?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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