We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
