i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
