How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I hope mine doesn't look like that
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
