She is in my trunk
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
