thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I can't put those talents on a resume
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
