So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize