my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
