my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
