My first STD was from a foam party
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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