I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
