You really coming over, don't trick.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
