How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
