Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize