I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
