There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize