Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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