would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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