dude i'm inner monologue high
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
