i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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