yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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